How to Make Friends in a New City: The Complete Guide
Making Friends · by Vairi Editorial · 12 min read · Published · Updated
To make friends in a new city, build a weekly routine around a few repeatable places, join one or two recurring groups where you see the same faces, and be the one who suggests the second meeting. Jeffrey Hall's research on friendship formation included 355 adults who had recently moved. It found that about 50 hours together makes a casual friend, about 90 a friend, and over 200 a close friend. At four hours a week with the same small group, that is roughly three months to a casual friend and about a year to a close one.
Why making friends in a new city feels harder than anyone warns you
School, university and first jobs put the same people in front of you every week, with a low-stakes reason to talk. In the Survey Center on American Life's 2021 survey of US adults, 54% of those with close friends had met one at their own or a spouse's workplace, and 47% reported making a close friend at school. Moving takes both away at once. Many people notice only on the third quiet weekend in a row.
Cities give you endless first meetings and very few automatic second ones. Your job is to arrange the second meeting yourself. Our guide to how to make friends as an adult covers the general case, including why it feels awkward, and the rest of this guide is a timeline for the move.
How long it takes to make friends in a new city
Hall's 2018 work gives rough thresholds: 40 to 60 hours for a casual friend, 80 to 100 for a friend, and more than 200 for a close friend. It also found that time spent hanging out, joking around and playing games counted, while hours spent working together counted for much less. Sharing an office is not enough.
The arithmetic explains the timeline. A two-hour weekly run club gives about 100 hours in a year. Add a coffee with one person from it and a second regular activity, and four hours a week reaches 50 hours in about three months. So a year to feel settled is a plausible timeline, and one group you attend every week does more than five events you attend once. Our guides to how long it takes to make friends in a new city and how to build a social circle after moving go deeper.
Your first 90 days: a plan
| When | What to do | Why it helps |
|---|---|---|
| Weeks 1 and 2 | Pick regular places (a cafe, a gym, one street), tell your existing network you have moved, say yes to invitations, finish unpacking | You become a familiar face, and a friend of a friend is the warmest introduction available |
| Weeks 3 and 4 | Choose two channels, for example one recurring group and one deliberate introduction, and give each a full month | Each channel needs weeks of repetition to produce anything |
| Weeks 5 to 8 | Suggest a specific second meeting with the people you liked, and follow up within a few days | Meeting people and becoming friends are different steps, and this is where most new-city social lives stall |
| Weeks 9 to 12 | Host something small, connect two people you know, set a standing plan with one or two people | Hosting and standing plans turn you from a guest into part of the circle |
| Day 90 onward | Keep the two or three people you like most and see them more often; drop what is not working | Depth comes from repetition with the same people, not from more variety |
Weeks 1 and 2: set up the conditions
Resist the urge to socialise flat out straight away. Choose a cafe, a gym, a park or one local street and start showing up on a schedule. You are not trying to meet people yet. You are becoming familiar, which is the quiet first step of most neighbourhood friendships.
Tell your existing network plainly that you have moved, and ask whether anyone knows someone in the city. It costs one message. Say yes to most invitations for two to four weeks, since each early invitation carries a whole network behind it, and you can become selective once you have options. Finish unpacking too. A flat that still feels temporary quietly rules out the easiest social move you will have in a couple of months, which is having someone round.
Month 1: pick two channels and commit
Most guides list twenty ways to meet people and leave you trying none of them properly. Pick two and give each a month.
The first channel is a recurring group: a run club, book club, language exchange, climbing gym, board game night, volunteer shift or class. The activity matters less than the recurrence, because you want the same people every week. Where to meet new friends as an adult maps the options.
The second is a deliberate introduction. A friendship app works when you treat it as an introduction service: match, message briefly, and suggest something concrete within the first dozen messages. We ranked the main options in the best apps to make friends in a new city, and how to make friends online and take it offline covers the step from chat to meeting.
Why two and not four? Each needs weeks of repetition, so two done consistently beat four sampled. Work is a legitimate third source if you have an office, since it was the most common place people in the Survey Center data had met a close friend. Gallup's June 2022 survey found that just two in ten US employees say they have a best friend at work, though, so treat colleagues as a bonus. If you work remotely, work is not a channel at all, and making friends as a remote worker has the alternatives.
The first conversation: what to say
The aim of a first conversation is to find out whether a second one would be easy, and impressing anyone is not part of that. "Where are you from, what do you do" produces answers nobody remembers. Questions in the present tense work better: how their week is going, what they have been meaning to try in the city, what surprised them after moving, what they do on a Sunday when nobody makes plans. They give the other person something real to talk about, and they show whether your rhythms match, which tells you more than a shared hobby.
You are also allowed to say you are new and looking to meet people. It feels exposed. It tends to land well, because plenty of people you say it to have felt the same and never said so.
How to make friends in a new city without forcing it
Panic pushes you towards quantity: five events, three apps, a dozen half-conversations and a Sunday night where you're more tired than connected. Hall's thresholds explain why that rarely works. Fifty hours with one person only comes from repetition, so fewer settings visited more often beat a crowded calendar.
Choose places where a second meeting happens without anyone arranging it: a small class, a regular run club, a neighbourhood cinema night, a volunteer shift on the same Wednesday each month. One-off mixers carry a faint audition feel because everyone knows why they're there. A recurring setting lets familiarity do the slow work instead.
Keep the first conversation light, and make the second move boringly clear. "We should hang out sometime" drifts away; "I'm going back on Thursday, want to come?" gets an answer. A no costs you nothing you didn't already have, and a yes gives you a rhythm.
Months 2 and 3: turn meetings into friendships
By now you have met people, and this is where many new-city social lives stall. Someone has to send the first "want to grab a coffee this week?" message, and in a new city that is usually you. It is how most adult friendships you admire began. Make it specific: "I'm going back to that market on Saturday, want to come?" gets a yes or a no, and both are useful, while "we should hang out sometime" gets nothing. Follow up within a few days of a good conversation. If the texting stage feels stilted, how to keep a conversation going with a new friend helps.
Once you know three people, introduce them to each other. Around month two, start hosting, badly if necessary: a takeaway on the floor, a film night, coffee with one chair short. Hosting flips the dynamic, because you stop asking for a place in other people's lives and start offering one in yours. After a few months, check the balance. If you are always the one initiating, that is information, and signs a friendship is one-sided helps you decide where to keep investing.
If you have just graduated
A graduate move removes school, the most common place people make close friends after work, and it scatters your existing group in the same month. The plan above still applies, with two changes. Your calendar is probably flexible even if your money is not, so say yes more than you would later in life. Housing helps too: a shared flat front-loads the repeated, low-stakes contact that a hall of residence supplied. Keep one weekly call with an old friend while you build, since staying close with friends after a move is easier than replacing them.
If you have just become a parent, or moved with children
A move with a baby combines two isolating events. In a September 2025 survey of 2,010 new and expectant parents by Censuswide for the NCT, 62% said they felt lonely or isolated at least some of the time, and 12% said they always did after having a baby. The same principle applies at a smaller scale: find one recurring session at the same time each week, such as a baby class, a parent-and-toddler group or a park meet-up, and keep going to it. Friendships with other parents, mum friends or mom friends in the US, tend to build over repeated sessions instead of on the first day. If you want to meet other women after a move, how to make female friends in a new city has more.
Other situations, other guides
Your circumstances change which channels work best. We have a guide for each: making friends in your 30s and after 40 in a new city; for gay people new in town; abroad as an introvert; after moving abroad, or when you cannot make friends in another country; as a foreigner in a new city; and after a breakup.
If you moved to London or New York
Vairi introduces members in London and across the UK and has a waitlist for New York, and each city has its own social geography. London works like a set of villages, so picking one patch matters more than working the whole city: start with making friends in London when you have just moved, then new to London and where to meet people in London. If you are shy and finding the city cold, moved to London and feel lonely as a shy person is for you. In New York, density helps and hustle tends to backfire; the borough-by-borough guide to making friends in NYC shows where the different scenes live.
When it is not working: troubleshooting by month
Progress in a new city is uneven, and a quiet stretch can mean different things. Diagnose before you change strategy.
- Month 1 and you have met nobody: count the times you left the house for something social this week. Under two means the problem is volume, so fix the routine first.
- Month 2 and people do not stick: you are probably waiting for others to suggest the second meeting. Send three specific invitations this week.
- Month 3 and you have plans but no closeness: stop adding channels, pick the two or three people you like most, and see them more often in lower-key settings. A standing Sunday walk beats a fourth new acquaintance.
- Month 6 and it still feels thin: some situations take longer, such as remote work, a demanding job or a language gap. One well-matched person can matter more than a busy calendar, and a deliberate introduction through a friend of a friend or an app built for one-to-one matching can break a plateau.
Common mistakes
- Judging the city in the first month. The loneliest stretch is usually the beginning, so avoid permanent decisions on temporary data.
- Collecting events instead of committing to groups. Ten one-off events give ten evenings, and one weekly group gives you the same faces.
- Waiting to be invited. In a new city everyone is waiting, and the person who initiates ends up with the social life.
- Staying in a chat app for weeks. The longer a connection stays text-only, the less likely it is to become a meeting, so suggest something concrete early.
- Giving a channel one week. Two meetings is too small a sample, and a channel needs a month.
Key takeaways
Hall's research, which included people who had recently moved, puts a close friendship at over 200 hours, so a weekly group beats scattered events. At four hours a week with the same people you reach about 50 hours in three months. In a sample of 179 Vairi members, 47% said they wanted to meet people in a new city. The steps that matter most are two committed channels, a specific second invitation within days, and some hosting by month two.
How long does it take to make friends in a new city?
Hall's research suggests about 50 hours together for a casual friend and over 200 for a close friend. At four hours a week with the same small group, that is roughly three months and about a year.
Is it normal to feel lonely after moving to a new city?
Yes. School and work no longer supply regular contact, and rebuilding it takes weeks or months. It usually eases once you have one or two recurring commitments and a few people you see repeatedly.
What is the fastest way to meet people in a new city?
Join a recurring group where the same people attend every week, such as a run club, class or volunteer shift. A friendship app can speed up introductions, but the friendship still needs repeated contact afterwards.
How do I make friends in a new city if I am shy or introverted?
Choose structured settings where the activity carries the conversation, and favour one-to-one contact over crowds. Recurring small plans cost less energy than large events.
Do friendship apps work in a new city?
They can, when treated as an introduction service. Message briefly, suggest a concrete plan within the first dozen messages, and expect many matches to fade. The app makes the introduction and repeated contact makes the friendship.
How do I make friends in a new city after graduating?
Say yes to more invitations than you would later in life, choose a shared flat if you can, and commit to one recurring activity. Keep a weekly call with an old friend while you build new ones.
How do I make friends in a new city as a new parent?
Pick one recurring class or group at the same time each week and keep going. In an NCT survey, 62% of new parents felt lonely or isolated at least some of the time, so you are far from alone.
How many friends do I need in a new city?
There is no set number. In Gillespie and colleagues' 2015 study, satisfaction with friends predicted life satisfaction better than the number of friends, so two or three good ones are a reasonable aim.
When should I give up on a group or app?
After a full month of real effort, meaning weekly attendance or several specific invitations. One or two meetings is too little to judge either.
Should I rely on work friends in a new city?
Use them as a bonus and not your only channel. Gallup found just two in ten US employees say they have a best friend at work, and a job change or remote role can remove that source.
Sources, all checked on 24 September 2026: University of Kansas, Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend (2018); Survey Center on American Life, The State of American Friendship (2021); Gallup, The Increasing Importance of a Best Friend at Work (2022); NCT, No safety net for new parents (January 2026); Gillespie, Lever, Frederick and Royce, Close adult friendships, gender, and the life cycle (2015).
Read next: The Best Apps to Make Friends in 2026, Honestly Ranked
Meet people from your city, from your sofa.
Friday Aperitivo is one relaxed hour online with a few new people, every Friday at 8pm UK time. Tables of up to six, voice with camera optional, and Vairi hosts with question cards. Free.
Proudly listed on Launchpadly Startup Directory