Making Friends After Moving Abroad

Culture · by Simone Rainieri · 7 min read

Making friends after moving abroad usually takes months, not weeks, and follows a predictable dip before it gets better, so the low patch you're in now is part of the normal adjustment curve, not a sign you're doing it wrong. Norwegian researcher Sverre Lysgaard proposed something in the 1950s that still holds up: adjustment abroad follows a U-shape, not a straight line, an initial high, then a dip as the novelty wears off and the logistics get exhausting, then a slow climb back up as routines and a few familiar faces accumulate.

The ache for your old circle is not a setback

You did not just change address. You left a whole network of people who already knew your shorthand, your bad days, your history. Missing them intensely says those friendships were good, nothing more. You can grieve the old circle and build a new one in the same season, those two things do not cancel each other out.

Why it is harder here specifically

At home, shared language, shared context and years of built-up familiarity did most of the work for you without you noticing. Abroad, all three are gone at once, and you are also carrying the daily tax of navigating an unfamiliar culture: different queueing norms, different humor, a different sense of how close to stand to someone. Name that explicitly. You are not bad at friendship. You are doing it on hard mode for a while, and hard mode is slower by design.

When language is the barrier

• Pick activity-based settings where you do more than talk: sport, cooking, climbing, dance, volunteering.
• Try language exchanges and tandem meetups, where mutual patience is the entire premise, not an accommodation.
• Mix expat communities, instant common ground, with local ones, slower but the kind of belonging that lasts.
• Use tools that let the earliest conversations happen in your own language, so nerves do not stack on top of grammar.

How long until it feels normal again

Jeffrey Hall, a communication researcher at the University of Kansas, studied adults who had recently relocated and found it takes roughly 50 hours of shared time to become a casual friend and well over 200 to become a close one. Abroad, with a new language and culture layered on top, expect the low end of that to stretch. A better weekly measure than do I have a friend group yet is is there one person I have now seen more than twice. String enough of those together and the sense of safety comes back on its own schedule.

If you are shy or afraid of getting it wrong

Worrying about saying the wrong thing or seeming too eager is common and it fades with plain exposure, not with waiting until you feel ready. Favor small, repeatable, one-to-one settings over big mixers, there is less to perform and more room to just be a regular, recognizable face.

Where Vairi fits

Vairi is built for exactly this stretch of the curve. Its onboarding is a short AI-concierge conversation rather than a form, and it groups people into Life Chapters like New City or Reinventing Identity, so the person it introduces you to is also, often, mid-relocation and mid-adjustment, not just nearby. One anonymous-first introduction at a time is a gentler way to start banking those hours than another networking event.

How do I make friends after moving to another country?

Pick a couple of repeatable, activity-based settings, ones where doing something together carries the conversation, and commit for a few months rather than a few weeks. Mix expat groups for quick common ground with local communities for longer-term belonging, and aim for one familiar face at a time rather than an instant circle.

How long does it take to make friends in a new country?

Research on friendship formation puts casual friendship at roughly 50 hours of shared time and close friendship well past 200, and adjustment abroad tends to follow a dip-then-recovery curve rather than a straight line. Track whether you have seen the same person more than twice rather than whether you already have a full social circle.

How do I make friends abroad if I do not speak the language?

Favor activity-based settings, sport, cooking, dance, volunteering, where shared action carries the conversation, and use language exchanges where patience is the whole point. Tools that let you connect in your own language first can take real pressure off those early exchanges.