Moved Abroad and Can't Make Friends Yet? What Helps

Philosophy · by Vairi Editorial · 7 min read

Not being able to make friends right after moving abroad is the normal first stage, not a sign you did something wrong, and it typically takes months of small, repeated contact before it eases. You planned the visa, the flights, the flat, maybe even the SIM card. Nobody planned you for the first empty Sunday in a country where you know one colleague and a landlord who communicates mostly through late-night texts about the boiler.

None of it is fast. All of it is doable.

This is far more common than it looks from outside

According to Expat Insider's annual survey of people living abroad, 58 percent report loneliness in their first year in a new country, and separate research from Cigna found nearly half of globally mobile workers lacking companionship where they live. The people around you who look settled were exactly where you are, a year or two back. Language, unfamiliar customs and a social map with nothing marked on it all slow things down at once. Struggling now isn't a sign you chose wrong.

Homesickness versus something heavier

Missing your old life is ordinary grief, and it eases as a new routine takes hold. There's a heavier version too. If you feel low most days and it's touching your sleep, appetite, work or safety, that's worth taking to a doctor, and it's a separate issue from simply not having friends yet. Our support page has signposting if you need it.

Two different needs, easy to tangle together

One need is immediate comfort, and your old friends can still give you that over a call at an awkward hour. The other is a local circle, which only builds slowly, on the ground, in person. Keep the first alive while you patiently work on the second. Leaning only on video calls home can quietly delay the local part longer than you'd expect.

A six-week starting plan

1. Weeks one to two: fix a daily anchor. Same café, same walk, a shop where the person at the till starts to recognise your order.
2. Weeks two to three: add one recurring local thing near home, ideally activity-based so language matters less.
3. Weeks three to four: go back to it, and say one small, specific line to the same person twice.
4. Weeks four to six: suggest a first tiny plan, a coffee afterward, and keep one call a week with someone from home.

Six weeks won't produce a best friend. It will get you from zero to a couple of familiar faces, which is the hardest rung on the ladder and the one most people underestimate.

Expat friends and local friends aren't competing prizes

You'll probably meet other newcomers first, and that's fine, not a consolation prize. They understand exactly what you're going through because they're living it too. Local friends usually arrive slower, through repeated activity and time. Aim for a mix instead of treating either group as the real win.

Where a tool like Vairi fits

When you know almost no one, having a handful of people introduced to you takes real weight off the cold start. Vairi is built for exactly that moment: a small number of aligned introductions instead of a crowd of strangers to work through alone.

For the mechanics that apply anywhere, making friends in a new city without forcing it and building a social circle after moving both go deeper.

Fix one daily anchor tomorrow and one weekly local thing this week. Start there, before you worry about the rest.

Is it normal to still have no friends months after moving abroad?

Yes. Expat Insider's annual survey found 58 percent of people living abroad report loneliness in their first year, and separate Cigna research found nearly half of globally mobile workers lack companionship where they live.

How do I tell homesickness apart from something more serious?

Homesickness eases as a routine builds and is ordinary grief for what you left. If low mood is affecting your sleep, appetite, work, or safety most days, that's a separate issue worth taking to a doctor.

Should I lean on friends back home or focus on making local ones?

Both, but keep them as separate goals. Old friends can still give you comfort over a call; local friends only build slowly, in person, over repeated contact. Leaning only on video calls home can delay the local part.

Are expat friends less valuable than local friends?

No, they're not competing prizes. Expat friends usually come first because they understand exactly what you're going through; local friends tend to arrive slower, through repeated activity. Aim for a mix.

What's a realistic first plan?

Six weeks: fix one daily anchor in weeks one and two, add a recurring local activity in weeks two to three, return to it and speak to the same person twice in weeks three to four, then suggest a small first plan by week six.