I have no one to talk to: what to do tonight, and what to change this month
Guide · by Simone Rainieri · 7 min read · Published
If you have no one to talk to right now, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123 in the UK, text SHOUT to 85258, or call or text 988 in the US. All three are free, open 24 hours, and take calls about loneliness as well as crisis. For the rest of tonight, the most useful thing is often a two-line message to someone you have drifted from. Research on exactly that kind of message says the other person will be gladder to get it than you expect.
The longer fix is less dramatic. Most people who have someone to talk to built it through small, repeated contact with the same few people. The sections below cover tonight first, then the next month.
Who can I talk to right now?
A free listening line is the quickest way to reach a real person at 2am, and you do not need to be in crisis to use one. These are the three that answer around the clock:
- Samaritans (UK and Ireland): call 116 123, free from any phone including pay-as-you-go with no credit, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. The number does not appear on your phone bill.
- Shout (UK): text SHOUT to 85258. It is text only, free on the main UK networks, and loneliness and relationships are among the most common reasons people text. Conversations usually last 45 to 60 minutes.
- 988 Lifeline (US): call or text 988, or chat on the website. Its own list of reasons to call includes loneliness and relationships, not only suicidal thoughts.
People often hold back because they feel their problem is too small for a helpline. The helplines themselves say otherwise. A volunteer at 11pm on a Sunday would rather hear from you than have you sit with it alone.
Is it normal to have no one to talk to?
It is more common than it feels from the inside. In the UK government's Community and Engagement Survey for 2025/26, which drew over 175,000 responses in England, 7% of people aged 16 and over said they felt lonely often or always. Among 16 to 24 year olds it was 9%, which surprises people who assume loneliness is mostly an older person's problem.
Seven per cent sounds small until you do the maths: about one adult in every fourteen. Having no one to talk to is usually a situation, not a verdict on you. A move, a breakup, night shifts, a friend group that scattered after university, a partner who was also your only close friend. Each of those removes the people you used to talk to without anyone deciding it should happen.
Should I just talk to ChatGPT instead?
An AI chatbot is fine for putting a feeling into words, and there is some irony in the fact that you may be reading this because you asked one. The evidence on leaning on it for company is less comfortable. In a four-week randomised trial from MIT Media Lab and OpenAI in 2025, 981 people used a chatbot every day. Across all the conditions, the people who used it most each day tended to report more loneliness, more emotional dependence and less time socialising with real people. The researchers are careful to say this does not prove the chatbot caused it.
A sensible reading is to treat an AI as a way to get your thoughts in order, then take those thoughts to a person. If you notice you are talking to it instead of replying to people, that is the signal to switch.
Who could I message tonight?
Think of someone you used to talk to and have not heard from in months. An old flatmate, a colleague from two jobs ago, a cousin. Most people skip this step because they assume the message would be awkward or unwelcome.
That assumption is usually wrong. Peggy Liu and colleagues ran 13 experiments with nearly 6,000 people, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2023. People consistently underestimated how much a short check-in text, or a small gift, would be appreciated. The more surprising the contact, the bigger the gap. In other words, the message you feel least entitled to send is the one that lands best.
Keep it short and easy to answer. Something like "Walked past the chip shop near our old flat and thought of you. How are you doing?" works because it gives a reason, asks one question, and asks nothing heavy. If they reply warmly, suggest a call at a set time. If they do not reply, you have lost nothing you had yesterday.
Smaller contact counts too. Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn found in 2014 that people reported more happiness and belonging on days when they had more interactions with acquaintances, the people they only half know. A proper chat with the barista or the neighbour with the dog is not a substitute for a friend, but it does measurably change how the day feels.
What if there is genuinely no one to message?
Then the next best thing is someone new who also wants to talk. The options differ in how much of yourself you have to put on show.
| Option | Good for | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|
| A free listening line | Tonight, when you need a person immediately | It is support, not a friendship; you will not speak to the same person again |
| An interest community (a Discord server, a forum, a book club) | Talking around something you both like | Big groups can feel like shouting into a room; look for smaller channels |
| A one-to-one app for friendship | A real conversation with one person who also wants to talk | Chats fade unless someone suggests the next step |
| Volunteering | Talking without having to find a topic | It takes a week or two to sort out the first shift |
If showing your face and name to strangers is the part that stops you, that is what anonymous-first friendship apps are for. Vairi, for example, introduces you to one person at a time in an anonymous chat, and names and photos stay hidden until both of you choose to reveal them. It is built for ordinary conversation with someone new on an evening when there is nobody else, so on a night when you are really struggling, use the lines above first.
How do I make sure I have someone to talk to next month?
Having people to talk to is mostly a matter of repetition. Jeffrey Hall's research at the University of Kansas found it takes around 50 hours together to become casual friends, which is why one good evening rarely changes much and a weekly habit does. A realistic aim for the next month: two or three people who would notice if you went quiet.
- Reply to the person who answered your message tonight, and suggest a call at a set time this week.
- Pick one thing that happens every week, at the same time, with the same people: a class, a volunteering shift, a running club.
- Go four weeks in a row before you judge it. The first two are always the most awkward.
- Each week, send one surprising check-in to someone you have drifted from.
Our guide on how to make friends as an adult goes into where those hours come from, and how to deal with loneliness covers what helps on the harder weeks.
Key takeaways
Tonight, Samaritans (116 123), Shout (text 85258) and 988 in the US answer free and around the clock, and loneliness is a valid reason to contact them. About 7% of adults in England feel lonely often or always, rising to 9% of 16 to 24 year olds, so you are far from alone in this. A short message to someone you have drifted from is appreciated more than people predict, according to 13 experiments by Liu and colleagues. Longer term, a weekly habit with the same people does more than any single evening.
Can I call Samaritans just because I am lonely?
Yes. Samaritans takes calls from anyone who is struggling, and you do not need to be suicidal. The call to 116 123 is free from any UK phone and does not show on your bill.
What should I do when I have no one to talk to at night?
Call or text a 24-hour line if you need a person now: Samaritans on 116 123, Shout on 85258, or 988 in the US. If you are not in distress, send a short check-in to someone you have lost touch with, or talk to someone new in a one-to-one chat app.
Is it weird to message someone I have not spoken to in years?
Usually not. Research by Peggy Liu and colleagues found people underestimate how much others appreciate being contacted, and the gap is biggest when the message is unexpected. Keep it short and give them an easy question to answer.
Is talking to an AI chatbot bad for loneliness?
Not in small doses. A 2025 MIT Media Lab and OpenAI study found that the heaviest daily users reported more loneliness and less socialising, though it could not show the chatbot caused that. Use it to sort out your thoughts, then talk to a person.
Sources: Samaritans, talk to us on the phone; Shout 85258, get help; 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline; UK government, Community and Engagement Survey 2025/26: loneliness; MIT Media Lab, How AI and human behaviors shape psychosocial effects of chatbot use (2025); University of Kansas, people underestimate the surprising impact of reaching out (Liu et al., 2023); Sandstrom and Dunn, Social interactions and well-being: the surprising power of weak ties (2014); University of Kansas, how many hours it takes to make a friend (Hall, 2018).
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